Unhealthy Obsessions

No seriously.... serious issues in here please..

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 01 Feb 2008, 06:57

Cheers Edgar, i know he doesnt, i'm not quite sure how he poos.

Jess, i appreciate your comments on this matter and take them into consideration but i dont think its fair of you to reply to Faye like that. God knows if someone had done that after you'd just spilled your heart out about your sisters problems there would be hell to pay.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 08:33

Ginger wrote: God knows if someone had done that after you'd just spilled your heart out about your sisters problems there would be hell to pay.


Word. Jess I don't care what you think, you've been hugely insensitive on this thread, you have basically told Faye and Anna that they're whining about nothing and don't seem to have understood their problem at all. Just because your sister had problems doesn't mean you know everything about everything. She didn't have an eating disorder did she? No, and neither have you. So what gives you the right to tell them to stop whining about their weight when it's not even their weight that's the problem, it's the way they perceive themselves? And to tell them that their very genuine problem makes you "angry"? And "if you think you're going mad you're not" is total bullshit. Many people, schizophrenics for example, can be well aware of their diagnosis, but it doesn't help with the paranoia and persecution complex. As Anna said if someone had told you you were whining when you were talking about your personal problems you'd go fucking mental. And then not to even bother formulating a response beyond "bollocks to this reply". Yeah, real mature. Really quite disappointed.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 09:16

For the record: I don't like my face. Some days I find myself ugly but on a good one I can get away with funny looking. I have terrible skin which I get really depressed about when it flares up, and sometimes end up spending a long time in front of the mirror trying to squeeze things that should be left alone and causing myself quite a lot of pain and some scarring in the process. I'm self-conscious about my stained and chipped teeth and the fact that my hair is starting to recede. For this reason I find it impossible to knowingly have my photo taken without pulling a funny face. I can hardly stand to look at most photos of myself because I can't focus on anything other than a spot I may have, or somewhat ironically, the stupid face I'm pulling. But I guess I should stop whining. :roll:
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Chris » 01 Feb 2008, 09:44

Eerily enough, I think I'm quite similar to you in that respect Tom. Between 14 and 18 I had pretty dire acne (dire to the point where I was being treated at the hospital for it), which I think has had a very heavy impact on my self-esteem. Now I still tend to get spots here and there, but the rational side of my brain knows that it's not all that bad. Yet I still have a huge problem with how I look. I obsess over how scarred my face is from when I had acne (which I actually suspect isn't really THAT much, but when I look in the mirror it seems pretty blatant to me). Some days I find it hard to look in a mirror... or if I do, I'll stand further away. Despite the fact that I am completely aware that the problem is in my head, I still automatically assume that any new person I meet is thinking about how bad I look, and it takes me a lot of courage to get over it and try and find some confidence. Eye contact with people I don't know well can sometimes be a problem too, because I don't like the idea that people are looking straight at me (which is weird, because they can do that whether I meet their gaze or not :S).

Most of the time I just try and reassure myself that I can't be doing too badly, since I've dated some pretty hot girls... and ultimately, how you look is for other people to decide anyway. I still wish I could just be satisfied with it though.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 09:51

Same, mine is really not anywhere near as bad as it was a few years ago (although I have a lot of blackheads), but it doesn't stop me fixating on it. If I have a big spot on my face, it can make me miserable for the whole time I have it, and I simply can't imagine that everyone's not staring right at it.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 01 Feb 2008, 10:35

chippy wrote:
Ginger wrote: God knows if someone had done that after you'd just spilled your heart out about your sisters problems there would be hell to pay.


Word. Jess I don't care what you think, you've been hugely insensitive on this thread, you have basically told Faye and Anna that they're whining about nothing and don't seem to have understood their problem at all. Just because your sister had problems doesn't mean you know everything about everything. She didn't have an eating disorder did she? No, and neither have you. So what gives you the right to tell them to stop whining about their weight when it's not even their weight that's the problem, it's the way they perceive themselves? And to tell them that their very genuine problem makes you "angry"? And "if you think you're going mad you're not" is total bullshit. Many people, schizophrenics for example, can be well aware of their diagnosis, but it doesn't help with the paranoia and persecution complex. As Anna said if someone had told you you were whining when you were talking about your personal problems you'd go fucking mental. And then not to even bother formulating a response beyond "bollocks to this reply". Yeah, real mature. Really quite disappointed.


I did reply more than 'bollocks to this', but then I deleted it because whatever I'd have written you'd find a way of picking it apart. If I'd have left it you would have read that nothing I wrote, was aimed specifically at Faye or Anna (apart from my first post which was aimed at Anna), I wasn't speaking about people who can't control how they feel about their bodies, I was talking about stupid teenagers that you get, starving themselves so they can be the 'coolest' or 'most popular'. Oh and yeah, my sister did have an eating disorder as it goes.
Quite frankly I don't care if you're disappointed in me, as the feeling is pretty mutual at the moment anyway, but that is for a totally different reason.
Well Anna and Faye, I'm sorry if what I've said has upset both/one of you, it wasn't intentional, obviously the way I've written things has come across alot more aggressive then it was first meant. Just to repeat myself I wasn't telling you both to stop whining, like I've said before if you think it's turning into a big problem Anna try and get some help from a professional.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 10:52

Jess wrote: and got taken to a unit where she had to face all the people with eating disorders even though she didn't have one. .


Jess wrote: Oh and yeah, my sister did have an eating disorder as it goes.


:scratch:
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Chris » 01 Feb 2008, 11:02

It's getting hot in here (so hot!).
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by filsatan » 01 Feb 2008, 11:15

chippy wrote:
Jess wrote: and got taken to a unit where she had to face all the people with eating disorders even though she didn't have one. .


Jess wrote: Oh and yeah, my sister did have an eating disorder as it goes.


:scratch:



Yeah, as I was saying, it's contradiction after contradiction.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by elliott » 01 Feb 2008, 11:19

Chris wrote:It's getting hot in here (so hot!).



so take off all your clothes? :woohoo:
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Tomaroundtheworld » 01 Feb 2008, 11:47

Chris wrote:Eerily enough, I think I'm quite similar to you in that respect Tom. Between 14 and 18 I had pretty dire acne (dire to the point where I was being treated at the hospital for it), which I think has had a very heavy impact on my self-esteem. Now I still tend to get spots here and there, but the rational side of my brain knows that it's not all that bad. Yet I still have a huge problem with how I look. I obsess over how scarred my face is from when I had acne (which I actually suspect isn't really THAT much, but when I look in the mirror it seems pretty blatant to me). Some days I find it hard to look in a mirror... or if I do, I'll stand further away. Despite the fact that I am completely aware that the problem is in my head, I still automatically assume that any new person I meet is thinking about how bad I look, and it takes me a lot of courage to get over it and try and find some confidence. Eye contact with people I don't know well can sometimes be a problem too, because I don't like the idea that people are looking straight at me (which is weird, because they can do that whether I meet their gaze or not :S).

Most of the time I just try and reassure myself that I can't be doing too badly, since I've dated some pretty hot girls... and ultimately, how you look is for other people to decide anyway. I still wish I could just be satisfied with it though.


I don't think any of that is the slightest bit unusual. I had pretty bad acne from about 14 to 18 too and I still get all those insecurities. Generally my skin is a lot better now, but still about once a month it flares up and makes me pretty miserable. In fact, pretty much everything you said there is true of me too.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Chris » 01 Feb 2008, 12:13

Sure, I'm not claiming to be somehow unique because of it. It's just one of those things that you don't really discuss, which is a shame because when you do you realise just how many other people feel like you.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Charley » 01 Feb 2008, 12:15

Ginger wrote:I want to be able to walk into a shop and pick up a pair of jeans and know they'll fit. Like i'm pretty sure a size 6/8 person could do.


When I'm in shape, I'm 32, 23, 35 and still hate it. Currently, I think I am overweight and flabby. I'm just over 9 stone, 32, 25, 36 with chronic cellulite. My chin has come back and I've lost my toned tum. I've always had issues with the way I look, and prob always will. Drink is my biggest prob with the weight.

I am currently a size 8 and would love to be able to walk into a shop and pick up a pair of jeans and be satisfied with them cuz I think/know they will fit and make me look nice. Trouble is, I've got the Marilyn shape about me (minus the tits!), so 9 out of 10 items of clothing I try on don't fit or just look plain wrong.

Am having a HUGE gamble this evening with what I intend to wear out, only cuz I know I've got a belly at the mo. Oh dear.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by filsatan » 01 Feb 2008, 12:16

I am 33. Today I seem to be growing a second nose. I though I had been through all this!! :gurn:
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 12:17

Chris wrote:Sure, I'm not claiming to be somehow unique because of it. It's just one of those things that you don't really discuss, which is a shame because when you do you realise just how many other people feel like you.


True dat, especially boys, we tend to keep zipped about that sorta thing.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by metal_dave » 01 Feb 2008, 12:38

i know what chippy's saying about the photo thing too. to me i look fucking retarded in every photo of me ever taken. i can't bear having my picture taken, unless i'm really drunk. and i'm very aware that i have terrible teeth too. not much i can do about it now though, short of blowing about five grand on dental work. it gets to the point where toothpaste adverts make me fucking furious. i also think i walk funny sometimes, but that's because i have an iffy back.

i don't think anyone's ever completely happy with the way they look. if they are, they're probably a twat. personally i have good days and bad days. sometimes it's nice to have a natter about it though.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 01 Feb 2008, 12:45

Well isn't this nice.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by metal_dave » 01 Feb 2008, 12:52

i've jolly well enjoyed it, that's for sure.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Bambino » 01 Feb 2008, 12:57

A lot of what an eating disorder is about is control. There are the obvious signs of body dysmorphia and problems with appearance however i know for a fact that whenever my life gets even remotely screwey the issues i have had for years come bubbling to the surface again and it's to do with teh control side of things it's just my reaction to problems i can't deal with. It is not something that goes away once you have developed the problem . I know that mine was at it's worst when i was at school i was about 13 and ridiculously skinny.

I can understand where Jess is coming from tbh. I get pissed off with the subject and i've got the hang ups to. Lets face it the whole reason for the tendencies most young teenagers develop is because of over exposure to imagery in the media that is unrealistic and leaves us all lacking. I think whilst being bombarded with these and with the issues there in the first place i for one will never be content with how i look or the body shape i am. Just surrounding yourself with good ppl that encourage you to look in the mirror and focus on the good parts is the best way forward. :) Also learning to laugh at the not so good. Hell i wish i was fatter and had jess's boobs. I think i may have an unhealthy obsession with them Jess ;)
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 01 Feb 2008, 13:21

chippy wrote:
Jess wrote: and got taken to a unit where she had to face all the people with eating disorders even though she didn't have one. .


Jess wrote: Oh and yeah, my sister did have an eating disorder as it goes.


:scratch:



Before she even went mental, she had an eating disorder, when she was taken to the unit she didn't as other things had taken over.

Haha, thanks Kat, I like them too :P
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Chris » 01 Feb 2008, 13:33

Jess wrote:I'd also just like to point out how angry this topic makes me. So many people complain about their weight/looks etc. but yet have so much control over it. You are making that decision to starve yourself or eat yourself into an early grave, and if you can still question whether what you're doing is a right idea then it's still early enough to get the help!
I've always questioned whether I was going mental at various stages but someone told me that if you're questioning whether you think you're mental than you're not.
Christ, I know my sister would have loved the choice of whether she stayed skinny of ballooned out to a size 20 within 6months! Instead she got really fat and got taken to a unit where she had to face all the people with eating disorders even though she didn't have one.
If you've got an issues or you think that it's starting to develop into a bit more than just wanting to 'get fit' then go and see someone, it's what they're there for! Realise how lucky you are to not have got to the point where you can't ask for help. Equally if you don't want to speak to a doctor try and find ways yourself to get yourself out of the nasty cycle.


Just going back to what you originally said... I don't think you've really understood how habitual behaviour works. The fact that you can be aware of it or question it really has no bearing on your ability to control it. We all like to think that we have complete control over our decisions, but when you consider how our decision-making processes basically consist of chemical reactions it becomes more complicated. It's really about which reactions win out in your body.

For example, drug addicts have a higher 'future discount' level than non-drug users. This basically means that they put more emphasis on pleasure/benefits that are immediate, and discount them the further into the future they become. They don't actually 'choose' to do this in any controlled sense. It is simply how their brains react to their environment. Consequently, their actions are (in the traditional sense of the term) out of their control.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by knobsack » 01 Feb 2008, 14:12

Just like to say I agree with all that acne talk. Mine was quite bad when I was about 16/17, to the point where I went to the doctor. I still seem to always have at least one spot somewhere on my face, and I feel like everyone notices and try and turn my face so the side with the spot on is a bit less obvious.

I also am fully aware that there's worse things to be self conscious about, but it's just an example of the bastard way the mind works that people fixate on the one thing they perceive to be wrong with them rather than all the things that are right with them.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Dannnn » 01 Feb 2008, 15:46

Chris wrote:Sure, I'm not claiming to be somehow unique because of it. It's just one of those things that you don't really discuss, which is a shame because when you do you realise just how many other people feel like you.


I can relate too. Most of the time I look in the mirror, I hate my face, and having such a small stature (5'4", maybe 5'5" at best) doesn't help. Recently went through a bit of an image change (what a girly thing to do!) and it's helped a little, but at the end of the day, I still keep fixating on the ugly aspects of my face (seemingly blotchy skin, bags under my eyes, horrible teeth, etc.). Christ, I take longer than any of my female friends do to get ready before going out. Waaay too self-conscious. It's a bit gay, really.

Quite surprised that some blokes in this thread have opened up about what they think about their looks. It's not really something guys talk about, which is annoying, because it's actually really reassuring to see that some other guys have the same worries...
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Tomaroundtheworld » 01 Feb 2008, 15:53

I've always been quite open about my insecurities. Generally they're fine, it's just the skin thing more than anything else and that's understandable when thinking what I was like 4 years ago or so. Generally I'm pretty happy with myself now. I'm a good height, good build, a little bit of muscle definition etc etc, Could be a hell of a lot worse.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Dannnn » 01 Feb 2008, 16:13

I wish someone could stretch me!

I think that the whole height thing makes people treat me differently, like I'm younger/less mentally capable than someone else my own age. That, in turn, messes the ol' confidence up. I find it difficult talking to people I don't know, especially women (I was panicking extremely inside, the other day, when I was chatting to this girl I've wanted to chat to for ages). End up stuttering like a cunt, which is always embarrassing (and frustrating)! Plus being about 7 miles below any of my other friends is quite annoying! (Neck ache!)

I guess it's all down to how comfortable you are at the time. I don't feel particularly comfortable around my uni friends; therefore, I have no confidence when I'm around them. But when I'm with my Newbury friends, I'm quite loud, witty, etc., which does boost the confidence, and in turn makes me feel better about the way I look.

Can't comment on Chris, because I don't know what ya look like, but from what I've seen of Chippy and Tomaroundtheworld - in a non-gay way, you both look good.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 01 Feb 2008, 19:14

Jess you didn't offend me at all. No problemo.

I am going out tomorrow night and really don't know what to wear. I was having a convo with a girl i work with earlier who is size 6, 5 feet tall and she said 'oh i really don't know what to wear, i feel really fat'' at which point i almost lost it. Then i remembered what Faye had said and thought, blimey even this girl has this prob some days.

I did get annoyed though when she was horrified that i said i would wear heels out as i'm ''a giraffe' anyway. WAY to give me anxiety about my height! haha
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by kat » 02 Feb 2008, 09:14

Ginger wrote:I am going out tomorrow night and really don't know what to wear. I was having a convo with a girl i work with earlier who is size 6, 5 feet tall and she said 'oh i really don't know what to wear, i feel really fat'' at which point i almost lost it. Then i remembered what Faye had said and thought, blimey even this girl has this prob some days.

I did get annoyed though when she was horrified that i said i would wear heels out as i'm ''a giraffe' anyway. WAY to give me anxiety about my height! haha


I'm 24 now and it's only been the last few years when I've started to like my body. I've always been very thin and almost 6ft tall, which has made me very anxious in the past. I'd love to be able to wear heals, but I just feel ridiculous most of the time. I acquired a lovely pair of shoes for free from my housemate yesterday, but in reality I'll probably only wear them if I go to a goth night (which is a rarity these days) where I know everyone will be in big boots!

It really annoys me when complete strangers feel they have the right to comment on how skinny you are. I wouldn't dream of mentioning how fat someone is, but I guess it's just the way our culture is. It angers me that people think that people seem to believe that you're incredibly lucky to be so slim and that you must be happy with your body. Also, that you somehow don't have the right to be unhappy about anything to do with your looks.

With regard to the earlier discussion about whether people did or did not have an ED, diagnoses are usually very messy. Very rarely does someone fit neatly into an anorexic or bulimic box. An individual may fit the criteria for anorexia in that they've lost a lot of weight and are constantly preoccupied with there body, but may still be having periods or is on the pill. Therefore, they wouldn't actually be diagnosed with anorexia. Any cases like this end up classed as EDNOS (eating disorder not other wise specified), which has a whole other set of criteria to catch people like this. Also, people fluctuate between diagnoses as their illness progresses and often have a range of other issues or illnesses to boot. Decisions are then made to decifer which issue needs treating first.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 02 Feb 2008, 09:32

I'm 5"10" and when i wear heals, probably 6 foot, 6'1''. I think you should wear heels Kat. Its good to be tall. You can see way much more! xx
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by kat » 02 Feb 2008, 09:36

I could probably get away with it tonight actually - I'll just stand next to my 6ft mate with a mohawk :)

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