Unhealthy Obsessions

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Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 30 Jan 2008, 11:10

I decided i really need to get this out in the open and hopefully someone will be able to help.

Since having Evie i have had a really unhealthy obsession with what i look like, weight, size, shape etc. I know deep down that it is wrong, and not a good role model for her to follow at all but every day, every single day i wake up and i dread getting dressed because i'm horrified of what i look like or how i going to feel in them.

I exercise regularly ( i thought this would help, but now it seems i'm developing an obsession with exercise and if i don't go for a run or do my workout DVD i feel doubley worse).
I eat pretty healthy, loads of fruit and veg, wholegrain bread/pasta etc but i do have a soft spot for chocolate - of which i eat, the majority is dark 70% stuff.

I really don't know what to do, Sam gets so frustrated with me because he doesn't see what i see and he finds it very hard, like if we're going out i worry al day about what i will wear and if its not completely right when i put it on i hate myself. I'm going out on saturday and i really dont know what to do.

ANy help? Useful advice?
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by LittleTill » 30 Jan 2008, 11:21

I think its natural to feel self conscious about your body after a huge change like having a baby. You just gotta have confidence in yourself. A few of my friends who have had babies feel exactly the same as you do. I guess the way to think about it is that no-one else is as worried by your appearance as you are so chill out and try to love yourself.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 30 Jan 2008, 12:34

It's understandable that you've become self conscious, your body has been through a hell of alot. Not everyone pings back into shape/loses their stretch marks right away if at all. The people you see in magazines and the like are all airbrushed anyway, not that I think you'd be stupid enough to compare yourself to them.
In my opinion if you can't get over this blip then it might be worth going to see a doctor, you will only make yourself ill if you keep on obsessing. Most of the skinny things you see about now don't eat and the like anyway! You should be proud of yourself for creating your child and of what you have gone through physically and mentally. You should also be proud to have a nice amount of curves, it's how women are meant to be!


Also, just to lighten the mood and because it's been bugging me, why when you were out for Daves birthday, did you appear with bran flakes? It makes me chuckle every time I think about it, in a good way! It was just so random :)
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 30 Jan 2008, 12:44

Jess wrote: You should also be proud to have a nice amount of curves, it's how women are meant to be!


I think the point that there is no particular way that women are 'meant' to be. Some girls can be naturally very skinny, and can just as easily end up obsessing over a lack of curves from people saying things like that!
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 30 Jan 2008, 12:48

chippy wrote:
Jess wrote: You should also be proud to have a nice amount of curves, it's how women are meant to be!


I think the point that there is no particular way that women are 'meant' to be. Some girls can be naturally very skinny, and can just as easily end up obsessing over a lack of curves from people saying things like that!



I'm sure they can. In which case they should go and see someone too. Having obsessions about your looks is just leading you to a dark place. Quicker people realise looks aren't everything the better. I'm also aware that some people can't see that and thus it's these types of people that need the help.
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If they are kneeling in confession or if they just fell?
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It's really hard living when you're living with yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by voodoochile » 30 Jan 2008, 12:58

I've been plagued with a variety of eating disorders since i was 14...i dont think ive ever been relaxed with the way i look and i have never NOT been trying to lose weight, even when i was pregnant. Every day is a struggle with my mind and the slightest bit of anxiety or problem in my life roots back to my eating disorders. I've taken diet pills, often starve myself, binge, have an obsession with exercise (im not happy until ive done 2 hours a day, 5 days a week...if i dont do it then i freak out) etc.
I dont think it will ever leave me, i just have to catch myself sometimes and get a grip...but then as i said before something bad happens in my life and i plummet again. It rules me basically. Physically, i have more control over it now than i did when i was 14/15 when i got quite ill, but mentally... i am worse because i have far more stress in my life now.
Having Draco hasn't made me worse than i was before, because this was with me anyway...but it has made me put more pressure on myself...and as soon as i could start dieting and exercising after i'd had him, i did. But i went further, i didn't just want my pre-baby body back, i wanted to be thinner, fitter, and...perfect. I reached my goal of being thinner than i was before i had him...but wasn't satisfied, i wanted to go further...so i did. This spurred up new problems with my body...things i wanted to change to be "perfect" (i recognise that this is probably ridiculous, but i am STILL on a 'make me perfect' mission).
I have had surgery to enhance a part of me and if i had the money i would have more.
So, Anna, you are not alone! Basically, i think that having a baby puts pressure on most mothers in a variety of ways, whether it is breast feeding, getting your figure back, going back to work etc. It isn't fair, it is horrible, but it is the society we live in now i guess.
I hope you will be ok.

Oh, and everyone gets frustrated at me about this, but they need to accept that it is unfortunately a part of me.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 30 Jan 2008, 13:02

Yeah i agree with Chippy, i know that all people are different and some people feel unwomanly when they're like a stick, which i would. I'm not saying i want to be a rake, i just want clothes to fit and for them to feel comfortable. With all the bloody jeans i try on a size 12 will do up fine and be too short, then another pair in the same shop wont even do up! Its SO frustrating. I want to be able to walk into a shop and pick up a pair of jeans and know they'll fit. Like i'm pretty sure a size 6/8 person could do.

The bran flakes were from the dolphin, ivana stole them for me!
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by voodoochile » 30 Jan 2008, 13:03

Oh, and i really hate that i just emptied my dirty laundry in public, so to speak, but if it helps anna slightly or other people then it can only be a good thing.
Oh, and i don't think you can ever understand the mummy-daddy-parent thing until you have done it yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 30 Jan 2008, 13:06

Thanks Faye, Its nice to know i'm not the only one, although it makes me sad to think of you being like it too! I was going to say you look gorgeous as you are but then thought maybe i shouldn't because when people say that to me or ask if i've lost weight i get so angry! I always think they're saying it for the wrong reasons and i never believe them. I'm crap at taking compliments, sometimes i even snap back! Its horrible, it really is. But to know you've got this far and that you look so amazing is a help anyways, even if you're not completey satisfied. I hope you will be oneday xx
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 30 Jan 2008, 13:09

That's down to the companys that make the jeans though! Not you! It's the same with bras, it's a nightmare trying to find ones that fit properly because in one shop you'll be like a 34 C and the next you've shrunk to a B or something like that.
I have problems finding clothes to fit and I'm sure it doesn't get any easy the smaller you are! One of the people I worked with was a size 6 and really short, the size 6 clothes didn't fit well, because the trouser were always too long, or the shorts were too wide for her legs!
I get the same problem with shoes too, I've got quite big feet for a girl, they're bigger than my dads and he is 6ft2! I think I've given enough examples here to show that it wont matter what size you are, you will never get a perfect fit everywhere.
Mirror mirror can you tell
If they are kneeling in confession or if they just fell?
The mirror looks back and it knows damn well
It's really hard living when you're living with yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by counterfeit » 30 Jan 2008, 13:12

anna, i've never seen you naked. but maybe if you like, we can arrange for this to happen sometime. 8o
i bet you look fine. you've got a lovely figure. whenever i see you oot n aboot i always think you look great.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 30 Jan 2008, 13:16

Anna, tell the old boy if he fancies a drink and a chinwag about this sorta stuff anytime then I'm up for it. :thumb:
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 30 Jan 2008, 13:27

I will tom, i will. Sounds like a plan.

I am being bridesmaid in august for my rather beautiful, gorgeous best friend. I'm worrying already about what i'll feel like on the day, if the dress will fit properly or if i'll be uncomfortable. Its so gay because i'm really looking forward to it but at the same time am really nervous.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Tomaroundtheworld » 30 Jan 2008, 15:45

It's not just a girl thing either. I used to get a bit hung up about being quite scrawny. I'm pretty tall and quite skinny and I just worried that I looked like a big streak of piss all the time. Last autumn I was doing over 100 press ups a day and probably about 40 or 50 pull ups and I'm not some sort of big, buff bloke. It took quite a lot out of me. Now it's my diet. My parents are both prone to ballooning up and whilst I'm not consciously trying to diet, I'm sure it's on the back of my mind, Lately I've been struggling with one big meal a day and a snack or two, which is pretty fucking horrific. Yesterday all I ate was a geobar and half a bowl of soup with a bit of wholemeal bread and humous. I wanted to eat more but I couldn't stomach it. My diet's been fucking sketchy lately to be honest and I have no idea why.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 30 Jan 2008, 16:14

I'd also just like to point out how angry this topic makes me. So many people complain about their weight/looks etc. but yet have so much control over it. You are making that decision to starve yourself or eat yourself into an early grave, and if you can still question whether what you're doing is a right idea then it's still early enough to get the help!
I've always questioned whether I was going mental at various stages but someone told me that if you're questioning whether you think you're mental than you're not.
Christ, I know my sister would have loved the choice of whether she stayed skinny of ballooned out to a size 20 within 6months! Instead she got really fat and got taken to a unit where she had to face all the people with eating disorders even though she didn't have one.
If you've got an issues or you think that it's starting to develop into a bit more than just wanting to 'get fit' then go and see someone, it's what they're there for! Realise how lucky you are to not have got to the point where you can't ask for help. Equally if you don't want to speak to a doctor try and find ways yourself to get yourself out of the nasty cycle.
Mirror mirror can you tell
If they are kneeling in confession or if they just fell?
The mirror looks back and it knows damn well
It's really hard living when you're living with yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 30 Jan 2008, 16:45

Jess, I know you're totally comfortable with your body and whatnot, but I must say I'm a bit saddened by the lack of empathy you're showing in this thread. I don't think people having issues with with their self-image is anything to get angry about. Body dysmorphia/anorexia and other such issues are terrible things, they can make what you see in the mirror a totally distorted version of reality.
Last edited by chippy on 30 Jan 2008, 16:48, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by filsatan » 30 Jan 2008, 16:45

Jess wrote:So many people complain about their weight/looks etc. but yet have so much control over it.


Jess wrote:Christ, I know my sister would have loved the choice of whether she stayed skinny of ballooned out to a size 20 within 6months!


Am I getting confused, or is this not a complete contradiction?
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 30 Jan 2008, 17:00

chippy wrote:Jess, I know you're totally comfortable with your body and whatnot, but I must say I'm a bit saddened by the lack of empathy you're showing in this thread. I don't think people having issues with with their self-image is anything to get angry about. Body dysmorphia/anorexia and other such issues are terrible things, they can make what you see in the mirror a totally distorted version of reality.



Well I'm pretty amazed you're saying that. I know exactly how horrid and terrible these things are. Just because I'm comfortable with who I am doesn't mean I don't sympathise with people who aren't as long as they're not whining people who actually have the ability to do something about it!
And no Fil I don't see it as a contradiction as my sister didn't chose to balloon out, the medication she was on for mental issues made her put on a huge amount of weight.
I will get angry about it because it's something that really grinds my gears.
Mirror mirror can you tell
If they are kneeling in confession or if they just fell?
The mirror looks back and it knows damn well
It's really hard living when you're living with yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by filsatan » 30 Jan 2008, 17:05

Jess wrote:
chippy wrote:Jess, I know you're totally comfortable with your body and whatnot, but I must say I'm a bit saddened by the lack of empathy you're showing in this thread. I don't think people having issues with with their self-image is anything to get angry about. Body dysmorphia/anorexia and other such issues are terrible things, they can make what you see in the mirror a totally distorted version of reality.



Well I'm pretty amazed you're saying that. I know exactly how horrid and terrible these things are. Just because I'm comfortable with who I am doesn't mean I don't sympathise with people who aren't as long as they're not whining people who actually have the ability to do something about it!
And no Fil I don't see it as a contradiction as my sister didn't chose to balloon out, the medication she was on for mental issues made her put on a huge amount of weight.
I will get angry about it because it's something that really grinds my gears.


Well, you said...................ah balls, i can't really be bothered to.....
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by kat » 30 Jan 2008, 17:37

I work in an an outpatient eating disorder unit and you wouldn't believe how many stunningly gorgeous girls come through our doors each day. Actually size, shape and weight has very little to do with the whole situation.

I think it's absolutely normal to feel self-conscious about your body after giving birth. I'd recommend going to see your GP, but be warned, some are better than others at this kind of thing. Talk about your concerns and see if there are any local services they can link you into. I bet your health visitor has experienced a lot of this with their clients. Are you a member of any form of mother and baby type groups? I bet everyone there is feeling the same way. I'm not sure how good Surestart are around Berkshire, but they have some great mother and baby services up here for social support with this type of thing.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by elliott » 30 Jan 2008, 18:10

you guys aren't as bad as my friends work mate. he got caught in the act applying oil to his biceps to make them shine. hahahahAH "SHUTDOWN"
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 30 Jan 2008, 18:36

Thanks Kat thats really useful info. I'm not a member of any mother/baby groups but do have some mates who have had babies in the past 2yrs or so and they dont seem to be bothered by it. Maybe they're just good at hiding it.

I agree with Chippy, i've done a lot of re-ading about body dismorphia and it does sound to be really really nasty, as i'm sure bulemia and anorexia are too. Luckily i don't think i am bad enough to make myself sick or just not eat. I couldn't do that as i love food far too much. Probably my downfall!
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Cinderella » 30 Jan 2008, 20:10

Anna, If I had a figure like yours after having a baby, I'd be well chuffed, yours as well Faye! Fitties.
Not that helps if yer not happy yourself, but start to try and believe it. :)

Do you get days that are worse than others?

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Ginger » 31 Jan 2008, 06:18

Yep, yesterday was a very bad day, i dont think the lack of sleep at the moment helps. Up at 5 this morning! Nice.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by chippy » 31 Jan 2008, 08:49

Jess wrote:
chippy wrote:Jess, I know you're totally comfortable with your body and whatnot, but I must say I'm a bit saddened by the lack of empathy you're showing in this thread. I don't think people having issues with with their self-image is anything to get angry about. Body dysmorphia/anorexia and other such issues are terrible things, they can make what you see in the mirror a totally distorted version of reality.



Well I'm pretty amazed you're saying that. I know exactly how horrid and terrible these things are. Just because I'm comfortable with who I am doesn't mean I don't sympathise with people who aren't as long as they're not whining people who actually have the ability to do something about it!


Yes, but you're saying that, and this:

Jess wrote:I'd also just like to point out how angry this topic makes me. So many people complain about their weight/looks etc. but yet have so much control over it.



When it is not the actual person's weight and appearance that is really the issue, it's their state of mind and the way they percieve themselves. I don't think telling them they are whining is particularly sympathetic or constructive.
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by voodoochile » 31 Jan 2008, 13:12

Well now jess, you have made ME angry with your absolute ignorance towards the subject. You are clearly clueless. But i dont hold that against you because you are still quite young with no life experience. If you must know i have had help with my eating disorders, BUt there is only so much help that i could recieve, the mental side of it never leaves you. It is an illness! And it is only recently that i have been able to admit to myself that i have a problem, Bollocks does that mean i DONT have a problem just because i recognise this. You are obviously lucky enough to have been blessed with a stable head. But a lot of people have not been. Dont make them feel bad for that, or tell them they're being pathetic or whatever you said, cos you have no idea what is going on in their heads or what they have been through in their lives.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by slim » 31 Jan 2008, 13:41

Uh-oh. I can see a "My head is more fucked than yours" contest coming up..
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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by Jess » 31 Jan 2008, 20:50

voodoochile wrote:Well now jess, you have made ME angry with your absolute ignorance towards the subject. You are clearly clueless. But i dont hold that against you because you are still quite young with no life experience. If you must know i have had help with my eating disorders, BUt there is only so much help that i could recieve, the mental side of it never leaves you. It is an illness! And it is only recently that i have been able to admit to myself that i have a problem, Bollocks does that mean i DONT have a problem just because i recognise this. You are obviously lucky enough to have been blessed with a stable head. But a lot of people have not been. Dont make them feel bad for that, or tell them they're being pathetic or whatever you said, cos you have no idea what is going on in their heads or what they have been through in their lives.



Bollocks to this reply.
Mirror mirror can you tell
If they are kneeling in confession or if they just fell?
The mirror looks back and it knows damn well
It's really hard living when you're living with yourself.

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Re: Unhealthy Obsessions

Post by metal_dave » 31 Jan 2008, 22:35

anna, i've heard literally a hundred million people comment how good you look since having evie. i counted them up. i gud at maffs. so stop it or i'll kick you in the throat with football boots on.




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p.s. you should be more worried about sam, he doesn't have an arse.
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