family breakups n that.

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family breakups n that.

Post by metal_dave » 28 Aug 2007, 12:32

i'm lucky enough to have not had much experience in this, but i briefly glanced at an article this morning that was implying that misbehaving teenagers (drinking, drugs, fighting and whatnot) are contributing to more family breakups. i always assumed it was more likely to be vice versa (kids from broken homes are more likely to get in trouble and whatnot). what say you?
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by chippy » 28 Aug 2007, 13:07

i guess it can work both ways. personally and without going into details I went off the rails somewhat when my parents broke up. i was 17 or 18.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by kev » 28 Aug 2007, 19:11

i reckon it would be a bit of a nightmare brining up someone 'misbehaving'

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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by counterfeit » 29 Aug 2007, 00:13

ye i reckon most kids fuck up when their parents do.
it's a well rubbish thing to go through. but there are other families much worse off i know.
i was 13/14 when mine split up. i was a right little shit about it. may have been when i took up smoking.. :scratch:


actually, i still AM a little shit about it.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by filsatan » 29 Aug 2007, 12:01

chippy wrote:i guess it can work both ways. personally and without going into details I went off the rails somewhat when my parents broke up. i was 17 or 18.


Snap. I was 18 too. I also went off the rails. Your parents breaking up when you are old enough to get hold of booze or anything else you fancy doesn't help that much though!
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by chippy » 29 Aug 2007, 12:15

filsatan wrote:
chippy wrote:i guess it can work both ways. personally and without going into details I went off the rails somewhat when my parents broke up. i was 17 or 18.


Snap. I was 18 too. I also went off the rails. Your parents breaking up when you are old enough to get hold of booze or anything else you fancy doesn't help that much though!


Nope. Also by that age I'd seen loads of my mate's parents split when they were younger and decided it wasn't going to happen to me...so it really took me by surprise.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by filsatan » 29 Aug 2007, 12:36

Yeah, it's the last thing you expect when they have been together for 20 years or so.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Bambino » 29 Aug 2007, 14:20

I am still fucked because of where i ended up due my 'rents deciding to split. It along with everything else around last xmas time has well and truly left me screwed. It is quite sad when you are not even sure of trusting ppl u wud really like to. :(
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Alka » 29 Aug 2007, 18:50

I suppose in my/our case it was a cause, but I don't think it was the sole cause by any means.
It wasn't me being a cause though! I was too little and cute. :)
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by counterfeit » 30 Aug 2007, 15:18

chippy wrote:
filsatan wrote:
chippy wrote:i guess it can work both ways. personally and without going into details I went off the rails somewhat when my parents broke up. i was 17 or 18.


Snap. I was 18 too. I also went off the rails. Your parents breaking up when you are old enough to get hold of booze or anything else you fancy doesn't help that much though!


Nope. Also by that age I'd seen loads of my mate's parents split when they were younger and decided it wasn't going to happen to me...so it really took me by surprise.



oi try doing your GCSEs through it! ....this is not a competition i know :D
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Lord_Blacknose » 30 Aug 2007, 21:01

Thankfully I was very young when my dad ran off, I think 3 or 4, so I didn't really understand. Also my step dad is a fucking dude and did a great job of bringing me and my sister up so I still had a quality father figure who kept me in line e.t.c. That said it has caused plenty of drama between me and my dad over the years, including me not talking to him for almost 2 years at one point, and our relationship is ropey at best with me valuing what I have with my step dad far more. C'est la vie.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Krusty » 30 Aug 2007, 21:24

don't think it has had any negative effect on me, i never went off the rails. they broke up when i was 7 i think. don't see my dad as much as i'd like to, but i'd rather them be split than hating each other if they were still married.

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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Cinderella » 31 Aug 2007, 19:19

I know this is going to come across wrong, but I'm saying it anyway...

To be honest, I had little to do with my folks breaking up, because I saw it as nothing to do with me. Yeah, it was my mum and dad, but its their relationship. and the fact that they don't love each other had nothing to do with me. They still love their kids and they are both much happier apart. So it was a major life style change for everyone, but worse things have happened.

Don't think Ive explained this well... might come back to it.

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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Jess » 31 Aug 2007, 23:29

Krusty wrote:don't think it has had any negative effect on me, i never went off the rails. they broke up when i was 7 i think. don't see my dad as much as i'd like to, but i'd rather them be split than hating each other if they were still married.



Pretty much this, my parents split when I was 7, our neighbours parents split at the same time so we all just kept on as usual. I think we were all a bit too young to realise what was going on. It was nice to have people the same age at the time going through exactly the same though.
I always used to be more of a daddy's girl, so when arguments arose with my mum and dad over the phone I'd always shout at my mum for it because I thought dad was the best. Now I realise he could have made much more of an effort to see us, as now he has no idea how to really communicate with me or my sister, especially if we are upset. His response is usually, 'be brave' or 'keep your chin up', *sigh* It would have made it alot easier on my mum and myself if he had been around and actually tried to help when my sister got ill and had to be taken away too. Oh well, gotta love your family, well some of them anyway.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by jennifer_yellow_hat » 02 Sep 2007, 15:06

people confuse the idea that you love your family (most of the time) implicitly, with the idea that you have to like them as well.

quite a few members of my family are or have been arseholes a lot of the time, (possibly me included), and the dramas in our life really have affected us quite badly - mainly because my family is very very good at finding THAT ONE NIGGLING THING that you cannot forgive anywhere near as quickly as the situation needs you to, so we all do a merry little fucking dance until something else comes up, and all that shit that hasn't been forgiven comes back to face you.

i think it depends on what values you have, and how good you are at avoiding hurting yourself when it comes to whether or not a family break up will affect your behaviour, and/or the relationships around you, no one gets out of a broken relationship emotionally unscathed - you invest in the people around you - when they let you down or disappear it hurts - that hurt either turns into pride, altered judgement and a better outlook as you learn to deal with it, or it turns into something destructive.

and that can change as well - i was one of the most destructive personalities existing, i like to think i have learnt.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by chippy » 03 Sep 2007, 11:25

counterfeit wrote:
chippy wrote:[


I was doing my A-Levels... they're harder. 8)
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by counterfeit » 03 Sep 2007, 15:15

chippy wrote:
counterfeit wrote:
chippy wrote:[


I was doing my A-Levels... they're harder. 8)


oh yeh? well i didn't get a CHANCE to do my a-levels because my GCSEs were so bad because of it all ;(



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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by jo_rhymes » 03 Sep 2007, 15:51

Big hugs to everyone.

I feel really lucky that my parents are still together, after about 36 years. There have been rocky patches where they've threatened each other with divorce, and my dad almost walked out on us once.
My folks are really bad at communicating, so mostly it's mixed signals and tangled messages!

Although I don't know how it feels when your parents split up, I do know how it feels to feel utterly depressed and alone, while you're trying to do GCSEs, A levels and then uni, bloody nightmare!!

so well done to all of us who managed to scrape through ok!!
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by filsatan » 03 Sep 2007, 16:09

jo_rhymes wrote:Big hugs to everyone.

I feel really lucky that my parents are still together, after about 36 years. There have been rocky patches where they've threatened each other with divorce, and my dad almost walked out on us once.
My folks are really bad at communicating, so mostly it's mixed signals and tangled messages!

Although I don't know how it feels when your parents split up, I do know how it feels to feel utterly depressed and alone, while you're trying to do GCSEs, A levels and then uni, bloody nightmare!!

so well done to all of us who managed to scrape through ok!!


Jo, how come you are always so friendly and nice, what's the secret?
Are you like this in real life? Don't get me wrong, it seems to me that you are are really genuine and lovely person, am i wrong?
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by chippy » 03 Sep 2007, 16:30

yes, she actually is like that in real life.

jo is totally kickass.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by jo_rhymes » 03 Sep 2007, 16:34

shut up!! :nuts:

Fil, I am pretty nice, there's no secret other than I know what it's like to feel like utter shite and I hate the thought of other people feeling that way.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by filsatan » 03 Sep 2007, 16:35

Blimey!
I don't know who she is, do I?
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by under_a_serpent_sun » 17 Nov 2007, 23:45

my parents broke up when I was like 14-15, and if anything it made me a better person, I didn't have any anger, and if I did... I'd just think, how would bringing anger and hatred home every day help out in the family life?

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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Cpt. Lingus » 06 Dec 2007, 13:52

My folks split js b4 my GCSE's, so that was 16 I think. I think I did alrite out of it, obviousley the shock of a 20 yr marridge goin dwn the can, but then whilst there fighting over money and stupid shit, u can get on and do wat the fuck u like. All this shit bout kids blaming there parents for the way they are cos of the split is bullshit. Kids realise that they can do wat they want, and js play one parent against the other. No levels or responsability required, so fuck it, do wat u want, when u want.

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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Lord_Blacknose » 06 Dec 2007, 16:41

That was quite a contradiction, although I see what you are tryin to say.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by The amazing vomit stain » 07 Dec 2007, 14:20

It really depends on your outlook on life. Some people are really affected by such things other are not. Like most things really.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by Bambino » 10 Dec 2007, 12:51

I totally agree with the comment above. Certain events in mine and my sister's life have definitely affected us in different ways. It's definitely based upon character i'd say.
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Re: family breakups n that.

Post by slim » 10 Dec 2007, 22:53

It's one of the worst things in the world when your parents don't love each other. Especially if you're 12-13 at the time they're fighting.
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